Dispatch from CPS

So I'm in Chicago. My flight for London doesn't leave O'Hare until Monday afternoon, but I came into town four days early specifically so I could go to work with my friend Mike, who teaches Biology and Environmental Science to high school sophomores in Chicago Public Schools. We've only had two classes so far, but its already been quite a morning. Some exemplary pieces of dialogue:

Student: Mr. K, what are we doing today?
Mr. K: We're taking a quiz.
Student: Boy you trippin! Don't play no games!
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Student: Mr. K, its boring.
Mr K.: You've only been in class for 4 minutes.
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Student 1: Mr. K, I got a question to ask.
Mr. K: What is it?
Student 1: Can humans be asexual?
Student 2: Yeah, when they gay.
Student 3: No, its like the virgin Mary!
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Pregnant student: So carbon dioxide is the stuff that gets up in your house and you die?
Mr. K: No, that's carbon MONoxide.
Pregnant student: Oh, cause I think people is getting confrused about that.
Mr. K: They're getting what?
Pregnant student: Confrused.
Mr. K: What?
Pregnant student: Confrused.
Mr. K: What?
Pregnant student: [silence]
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Student: Mr. K got a big head!
Mr. K: I have a big head?
Student: yeah
Mr. K: You think my head is literally too big for my body.
Student: yeah
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Student: Hey Kosko, "Ever since I can remember . . ."
Mr. K: What?
Student (slower, ala 36Mafia): "Ever since I can remember . . ."
Mr. K: I'm not popping my collar today, get back to work.
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Mr. K: Work on your diagrams!
Student: I just pasted this.
Mr. K: You have to do more than just glue pieces of paper to another larger piece of paper.
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Student: Mr. K, you too strict!!
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Student: Mr. K, you a bad teacher!!
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Mr. K: Do you think I sit home at night trying to figure out how to make you guys my friends?
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Student: [unintelligible mumble]
Mr. K: I have no idea what you just said.
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Student (pointing at me): Mr. K, is you two kin?
Mr. K: ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE NOT RELATED.

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Also, Derya, have you seen Jezebel's Sephora Spy column? I know, I know, I have serious problems. But I love this shit.